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 A finished work.

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Icucic

Icucic


Posts : 87
Join date : 2008-02-10
Age : 31
Location : Hong Kong

A finished work. Empty
PostSubject: A finished work.   A finished work. EmptyTue Feb 12, 2008 3:25 pm

Pulchritudinous

It was time for brown bears to hibernate,
The bright moon smiled, I begin to languish,
As I continued I descried my soul mate,
She was immaculate, not a blemish.

Moving closer, I witnessed a tragic scene,
The anguish of her grief was astonishing,
Furiously weeping; her tears were unseen,
She halted. I wished of being her only king.

Her eyes mesmerize mortals, diluting them,
Capable of taming madness and insanity,
Vast like the sea, reflecting like a gem,
Their forms bring blessings to humanity.

She sat on her throne like a stationary,
Neglecting a bull python’s skittering,
An amour they had, they were complementary,
That very second, time seemed everlasting


Last edited by on Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:55 am; edited 6 times in total
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StealthXanon1
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StealthXanon1


Posts : 52
Join date : 2008-02-10
Age : 34
Location : Sunol, CA

A finished work. Empty
PostSubject: Re: A finished work.   A finished work. EmptyTue Feb 12, 2008 3:36 pm

nice nick

you should change it to 'capable of taming madness and insanity", it flows better

besides that, great
im looking forward to the rest
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Icucic

Icucic


Posts : 87
Join date : 2008-02-10
Age : 31
Location : Hong Kong

A finished work. Empty
PostSubject: Re: A finished work.   A finished work. EmptyTue Feb 12, 2008 3:38 pm

well yeah it does. I thought about it but then the syllables won't match >.> and its required for the syllables to be similar in each line.
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A finished work. Empty
PostSubject: Re: A finished work.   A finished work. Empty

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