Icucic
Posts : 87 Join date : 2008-02-10 Age : 31 Location : Hong Kong
| Subject: A finished work. Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:25 pm | |
| Pulchritudinous
It was time for brown bears to hibernate, The bright moon smiled, I begin to languish, As I continued I descried my soul mate, She was immaculate, not a blemish.
Moving closer, I witnessed a tragic scene, The anguish of her grief was astonishing, Furiously weeping; her tears were unseen, She halted. I wished of being her only king.
Her eyes mesmerize mortals, diluting them, Capable of taming madness and insanity, Vast like the sea, reflecting like a gem, Their forms bring blessings to humanity.
She sat on her throne like a stationary, Neglecting a bull python’s skittering, An amour they had, they were complementary, That very second, time seemed everlasting
Last edited by on Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:55 am; edited 6 times in total | |
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StealthXanon1 Site Admins
Posts : 52 Join date : 2008-02-10 Age : 34 Location : Sunol, CA
| Subject: Re: A finished work. Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:36 pm | |
| nice nick
you should change it to 'capable of taming madness and insanity", it flows better
besides that, great im looking forward to the rest | |
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Icucic
Posts : 87 Join date : 2008-02-10 Age : 31 Location : Hong Kong
| Subject: Re: A finished work. Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:38 pm | |
| well yeah it does. I thought about it but then the syllables won't match >.> and its required for the syllables to be similar in each line. | |
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| Subject: Re: A finished work. | |
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